elmo
today i saw some graffiti on a desk: a charming line drawing, in permanent marker, of elmo (from sesame street, of course) saying "elmo thinks balad stinks." i have a thing for mindless non sequitur...
i've received many comments on my last few posts, and i'd be remiss not to thank you all for reading. it means a lot to me to know that there are peope who care about what i'm going through, even if they are 6,000 miles away.
i write this in order to take you with me. i have a hard time verbalizing my experiences in the past tense. actually, i have trouble motivating myself to verbalize them. i'm more apt to stay silent than try to relate a beautiful sunset or funny movie, because i just get frustrated when the other person doesn't completely 'get it' or empathize. it feels like doing a mediocre job of relating my experiences serves to cheapen them, and i've never been able to acheive more than a mediocre translation (those who know me well know that my sense of humor skirts transliteration and story-telling in favor of puns and double-entendre; i've never had much luck with the old 'so a guy walks into a bar' jokes).
but for this deployment, i knew that i would need the support of peope close to me. and, as the value of your condolences at a funeral wax according to the intimacy of your relationship with the deceased, i wanted to intimate my friends with iraq in order to bring them closer to me in this stressful time. it may be a selfish thing to do- to innoculate myself against pain by spreading it, in a way- but the feeling of support i've received has been enriched ten-fold by the knowledge that it comes from hearts that are the wiser of the situation because of my words. and for dealing with me doing this, i thank you.
also, there aren't many troops here who would be willing to talk about iraq quite this openly, or have the time to write. i think that in lieu of a bona fide journalist, my accounts will have to serve as the story of dozens of airmen and soldiers who live this life, and who will have to keep living it long after i've gone home. i feel kind of spoiled for only staying here for a month and a half.
my arrival date in duluth remains unchanged by the uncertainties of my departure. i'll see you all soon.
i've received many comments on my last few posts, and i'd be remiss not to thank you all for reading. it means a lot to me to know that there are peope who care about what i'm going through, even if they are 6,000 miles away.
i write this in order to take you with me. i have a hard time verbalizing my experiences in the past tense. actually, i have trouble motivating myself to verbalize them. i'm more apt to stay silent than try to relate a beautiful sunset or funny movie, because i just get frustrated when the other person doesn't completely 'get it' or empathize. it feels like doing a mediocre job of relating my experiences serves to cheapen them, and i've never been able to acheive more than a mediocre translation (those who know me well know that my sense of humor skirts transliteration and story-telling in favor of puns and double-entendre; i've never had much luck with the old 'so a guy walks into a bar' jokes).
but for this deployment, i knew that i would need the support of peope close to me. and, as the value of your condolences at a funeral wax according to the intimacy of your relationship with the deceased, i wanted to intimate my friends with iraq in order to bring them closer to me in this stressful time. it may be a selfish thing to do- to innoculate myself against pain by spreading it, in a way- but the feeling of support i've received has been enriched ten-fold by the knowledge that it comes from hearts that are the wiser of the situation because of my words. and for dealing with me doing this, i thank you.
also, there aren't many troops here who would be willing to talk about iraq quite this openly, or have the time to write. i think that in lieu of a bona fide journalist, my accounts will have to serve as the story of dozens of airmen and soldiers who live this life, and who will have to keep living it long after i've gone home. i feel kind of spoiled for only staying here for a month and a half.
my arrival date in duluth remains unchanged by the uncertainties of my departure. i'll see you all soon.
posted by Ben at 8:28 PM
4 Comments:
Ben…I hate you being in Iraq. I hate any American being there. The danger to you, especially you, but to all of the Americans “serving” in Iraq fills me with despair and disgust for our government. I heard on the news that the death toll to American service personnel in Iraq has risen to over 1700. How many more have been physically and mentally injured and will come home “different”? I have heard Bush thanking parents, spouses and children for their “ultimate sacrifice”! These family members aren’t sacrificing their loved ones…they are having them ripped and dragged from their loving arms. 1700 “ultimate sacrifices”! I think not! 1700 plus incredibly important lives wasted and sacrificed by and uncaring political machine. It is all about Bush ego mania, political and economic green and corruption and government cover up. The evening news shows our “brave, patriotic and eager” troops marching into battle willing to give their lives for the “greater good” Bullshit!! I am proud that you can tell of you terror and that you want nothing more than to be out of there. I anxiously await your return. I love you, Grandma Joyce
ben, you don't know me, i stumbled on your blog as i was surfing around, and i'm glad i did because you are a very gifted writer. i hope that you make it home safely to your family, and that you keep writing when you get there.
your camel spider story was great, btw.
Ben, like Grandma Joyce, I hate the fact that any American is in Iraq, especially you. Each time our President thanks the American public for the sacrifices, I cringe. Everyone in our family is anxious for you to return to Duluth safely. Your writing skills are superb. I love you and look forward to seeing you very soon...... Uncle Ron
Hi Ben:
I’ve been keeping up with your entries and am amazed with your writing skill. I close my eyes and can imagine the attack with the words you paint. Your words make me wonder what you will do with your experience and memories once you are home again. I would like visit when you can to hear more about your journey.
I am anxious to hear that you have returned safely. Each day draws closer to your return. Please remember, accidents sometimes happen closest to home – Be careful.
Love Mike
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